the year of confusion.

I don’t know which path I am supposed to be traveling on. Whenever I feel that things are beginning to go my way, that I am on my final path, I roll my bad left ankle and return to the start.

I now understand what it is like to live independently, sacrifice, and learn how to let my heart forgive. This year, like the ones before it, has passed like a flash of lightening. Graduation with my Western family feels five years gone and the summer of working from sun up to sun down is a distant memory. My dad says that this is normal, that the years pass faster and faster with age. Sometimes he can be so wise.

2014 taught me that friendship is a reminder of where you have been and where you are going to go. The friends that I have (and have had) have, for as long as I can remember, gotten me through heartbreaks, finals, and the uncertainty of the future. They remind me of how far I have come since my brace-faced, tall white socks, crimped hair junior high experiences. This semester the friends I have made have the same desire to run from the clutches of Wyoming and have given me reason to believe that my dreams are not a fantasy (like some people make them out to be). Thursday lunches and late night library sessions spent discussing New York and internships have become our hobby.

Life seems to be speeding up and shifting all at once. Friends are getting married and talking about careers in the real world, and I’m worried that when everyone becomes an adult I’ll still be searching for the things that I desire most in life. I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to backpack across Europe and move to New York after graduation, not how many children I’m going to have or what my last name will be. I have no idea what adventures this life has for me, but reminiscing over thousands of pictures with good friends lets me know that, although feeling unguided, I am nearer my final path than ever.

In five years I don’t know if I’ll reach my goal of living in New York or what job I will have, but I do know I’m working now toward the life I want to have. I’m living in the present, meeting new people along the way. I’ll let the future decide who stays.